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Comments for AP Language Revisions

Almost every essay would benefit from closer reading of the text. Make sure that you are analyzing how Fridman makes his argument, rather than just telling what he said. The distinction is this: summary is rephrasing what he said; analysis is discussing why he said the things that he did and evaluating its intended impact on the reader.
Do more analysis of specific diction and syntax. Why does he say “[e]nough is enough”? Why does he use the example of Asian countries.
Have clear thesis statements and topic sentences that reflect analysis of what Fridman was saying. Don’t travel into your insight or wander from his argument.
Do more substantial proofing and revision. These should be polished 4th drafts by the time I see them again.

Overall, these were pretty strong responses. Two major issues stand out: 1) Make sure that you have a clear organizational/thematic look at your poem. It has to make an argument or advance an idea, not just be a list of elements. 2) Work on better, more engaging intros for the revision, either using the strategy we discussed or your own.